Say NO to the Dress

   Okay, okay. I know that the popular show's title is Say YES to the Dress. If you haven't seen it, it chronicles a bride as she and her entourage of mom, best friend, sister, groom's mom, cousin, plumber, dry cleaner, and others, go with the bride-to-be to encourage her, or discourage her, regarding her wedding dress choices.
   Having been a photographer long enough to see several trends come, and blessedly, thankfully, go (anyone else remember the gowns with layer upon layer of pink tulle?), I have come to one definite conclusion: The wedding day belongs to the bride and groom, thus it follows that the wedding gown should be selected by the BRIDE. SHE is the one wearing it. SHE is the one who has dreamed of her perfect gown. SHE is the one who should ultimately decide.
   All right, let me have it. Mom is paying for the gown so she has final say...nope! Bride has no sense of  taste and style so her sister should pick for her? Wrong answer! Bride wants a dress with a mermaid design but she has the figure of a baby whale? Who cares?!? Again-just as the wedding day is all about the bride and groom, the wedding gown is ALL ABOUT THE BRIDE AND WHAT SHE WANTS.
   Our daughter, Jordan, got married a few years ago. She is a petite, elegant, young, professional woman with an hourglass figure and an amazing sense of style. I went with her to look at gowns, just because I'm her mom and it was a moment I wanted to share with her. I had no preconceived ideas of what would look good on her, or the style she should choose. Jordan had a couple of designs in mind and as she went into the dressing room to try one on, I enjoyed watching the other soon-to-be brides try on theirs.
   A young woman caught my attention. She walked slowly, almost reverently, from the dressing room in a soft, flowing, pale pink gown. When she turned to look at herself in the 3 way mirrors, she broke into tears at her image, and happily whispered, "It's perfect. It's what I always dreamed about. I love it." Then she turned toward her mom and sister for their reactions.
   Her mom stared at her only a moment, then sniffed, "You are simply too large for that gown. You are falling out of the top of it. Go change into the other one that we picked out." Her daughter looked at her for a long moment, with a crestfallen expression. "But Mom, I LOVE this gown." Again, her mom dismissed her with a wave of her hand, "It looks ridiculous on you. Go change." Her sister agreed with mommy dearest, saying, "No way can you lose enough weight to look decent in that dress. Be practical."
   The young bride, who only moments before saw herself as a beautiful princess, sadly turned and walked back to the dressing room. Her mom saw me watching and commented, "If only she looked like your daughter. Your daughter will look beautiful in anything she tries on."
    I was torn between wanting to run into the dressing room to comfort the broken-hearted bride, or punching her mother in the face.
 

 

Ragamuffins

   My husband and I went to the premier of a privately produced movie last night, "Ragamuffin, The Story of Rich Mullins". Excellent movie about the life of an exceptionally talented Christian singer/songwriter who died in a car crash. Rich Mullins was a chain smoking, angst filled man who enjoyed a drink quite often. What struck me is how alone he felt, despite having close, wonderfully supportive friends. He felt unworthy of love, broken, a ragamuffin.
    But really, aren't we all? No matter how we present ourselves to others, deep down inside, most of us are struggling with insecurities, grappling with fear. We feel that everyone else "has it together", and that we alone are obviously flawed and imperfect. The irony is that every single person on earth, old or young, rich or poor, great or small, at some point in their life has had that same thought and feeling.
   Not to oversimplify things, but in a way, that's why I love being a photographer. I strive to find at least one feature or characteristic of my subject and encourage them with their own beauty, inside or out. It might be their tentative smile, vivid green eyes, or graceful hands. Perhaps it is the way they describe how they met their fiance', with love lighting up their face. Each little nuance speaks to me of our shared humanity-our fears, hopes and dreams.
   When you look at a wedding photo or senior portrait or family reunion photograph that I captured for you, my wish is that it brings a smile, a remembrance of a happy moment, a confirmation of the light inside that makes you, YOU.